i was sideways, asleep, or thought i was, between them, worried what if i would never feel this way again. morning just starting to peak. wouldn’t make its way through those blinds for a good bit, no use for the future. just an indication seeping in through kitchen windows. catastrophic gold. in love, two times over, with what has to have been the best life had ever presented me. turned flat on my stomach. gave myself a chance through this rose-tinted headache, taste of borrowed Champagne halfway gone from my brain. gave my lips a lick and tasted a memory, had to check my body, all covered in glitter and glam, wondering how, and now it was five years ago, hotel room and a suicide attempt, and why decide to drift when i could dream, because that was when both their legs chose a deep sleep moment to wrap themselves around me.

i smiled and the sensation taught my teeth a little something about what i didn’t deserve.

resisted the recommendation of a ghost i once knew, gave myself another go at a perfect day, remnants of bite marks on my shoulder, familiar trace on my mouth, begging for a second guess.

because from where i was, kissing the back of either neck was as simple as turning side to side, and i could run my hand down both bodies, simply be there, for as long as anything lasts, because we were forged in winter, and let’s keep springtime out of this for the moment. because now it was twenty years ago since i had sat on the rooftop of a San Fernando house in the hills, and worried what if i would ever have to feel this way again.

# # #

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so long and thanks for all the pish.